Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Tastes Like Chicken...On The 6 Train

DListed is the best celebrity blog out there period. There is no one more scathing, no one more hilarious, no one who can beat the dignity out of you like Monique in Precious. I feel wonderfully dirty reading his blog, taking famous nitwits and pushing their faces in the mud.

When people eat food on the subway, it's usually smelly and kinda sucks. I like this guy's approach below. Organic and lively. No hot sauce to be seen.

DListed took the words right out of my blog for this one. 6 train, I'm so glad you don't come into Brooklyn. But I would love it if you came in just to be crazy like this:


Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Twitter Kitsch: N Train Gossip


I knew Twitter was good for something. The KCB is all about a wonderful scoop and it's better than strawberry ice cream. It's the vile, the disgusting, the hilarious, and the totally weird things happening on the N train. Twitpics flow with things from too much makeup to unwrapped condoms.

Combine this with the new season of 24 portraying New York in a vaguely stereotyped way (with some truth: cell phone reception can be a mucka ferguson in certain parts of the boroughs) and you got the makings of greatness. I realized that people think Brooklyn is like short for Murder. But on the other hand, you have Brooklyn Heights which is short for Bank.

Check it out: N Train Gossip on Twitter

What does this Twatter remind me of? Of course the Vans Song by the Suicide Machines. It's a tongue-in-cheek beat down of what other people wear.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Yo La Tengo Ticket Giveaway - We have a winner!

We have a winner for the Yo La Tengo ticket giveaway, Chris Cab-tion contest stylie. The concert is on Friday 9/25 at Roseland Ballroom in Manhattan, and again, NO Hanukkah shows this year for YLT so get going to this one.

Patrick said: The ass-distraction tactic backfired when Chris' ensuing erection proved far more distracting.

Runner up, who will receive a DVD prize pack is Ed-G, with this ditty: As Tommy bent over to retrieve his fallen cup, Bill decided to give the name "Bowling for Colon-bine" new meaning.

Thanks to Live Nation for providing tickets. If you couldn't think of anything at the time but want to re-live the Chris Cabin magic, go to the original post.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Resident Film Critic Chris Cabin Reviews -


Note: The Informant! is playing at most theaters in the city and in Brooklyn, go here for showtimes. Poster courtesy of IMP awards.

As has been widely reported, Matt Damon gained 40 pounds to play whistleblower Mark Whitacre, the mustachioed high-level exec at Archer Daniels Midland who became an informant for the FBI sometime in late 1992, in Steven Soderbergh's odd new film The Informant! Hidden behind a pair of thick frames, adjusting his toupee as much as his mood, Damon's Whitacre is plain, greedy and fantastical; the sort of man who sees himself not only as a corporate hero in any one Michael Crichton novel but also reflected in the Tom Cruise who embodies those righteous corporate ethicists on the big screen. He has ideas and big plans, ones that he believes could be jeopardized at any moment by a random tapped phone.


And yet, he is, as several people involved with the real Whitacre have opined, a sort of national hero. A biochemist who had to "learn business," Whitacre supplied hundreds of tapes -- audio and visual -- to the FBI between 1992 and 1995 that fueled the Justice Department's case against ADM leading to the agribusiness conglomerate paying well over $500 million in settlement and class action cases. The catch, of course, was that while playing avenger, Mr. Whitacre forgot to disclose kickback funds that may have reached more than $11 million. Faithful to his wife of 20+ years, the father of two adopted children and one of his own, he is a liar and a thief but it would seem, in Mr. Soderbergh and screenwriter Scott Z. Burns' eyes, that every good corporate man has an accepted level of corruption going in; even the ones who want to clean up the joint.

Scored by Marvin Hamlisch in what, at first, seems like a bid at kitsch, Damon's guileful do-gooder opens the film by explaining, both to the audience and his child, how corn is in everything you eat, touch and steal. At ADM, his work has largely focused on lysine, the amino acid that his company frames their price-fixing scam around. It's his wife Ginger, dutifully played by Melanie Lynskey, who prods him into confessing the price-fixing scam to Special Agents Shepard (Scott Bakula) and Herndon (Tony McHale). Professional if just a bit zealous, the Agents sum up Whitacre as both brave and boring. In a brilliant bit of screenwriting, the action and dialogue are repeatedly overshadowed by Whitacre's voice-overs, delivering monologues on an array of throwaway facts including polar bears, being kind and tie sales in whispery chatter reminiscent of Godard's hovering prognostications from his 60s salad days.


An extension of these monologues, Soderbergh's aesthetic is a marvel of bourgeois bad taste. Made with the washed-out precision of cheap 80s television, editor Stephen Mirrione and production designer Doug J. Meerdink work with director/cinematographer Soderbergh to invoke the nausea of upper-class lethargy. But despite this bravura tribute to mediocrity, The Informant! Is not a sweet movie nor is it a placid one. Whitacre embodies the mindset of the current business construct: I'll open the closets as long as you don't stare at my skeletons.

Softened ever-so-slightly by the admittance of bi-polar disorder, Whitacre's infuriating inability to own up to his own malfeasance may not have been sold so easily if not for Mr. Damon who has rarely been so clever and never been as funny as he is here. Seeing as he is constantly surrounded by a rogue's gallery of lawyers and co-workers, Soderbergh pulls a masterstroke by casting many of the smaller roles with stand-up comedians and television actors -- Patton Oswald, Tom Wilson and Tony Hale all show up in minor roles. It plays directly towards Soderbergh's central premise: The characters primarily responsible for our current crisis are so off-the-chart self-serving, greedy and absurd, that you really have no choice but to laugh at them.


Even as it points to our current state, The Informant! also contemplates the grand lunacy of how we pick our heroes. Is Whitacre to be admonished or celebrated? Despite his presumptuous greed, he helped bring in one of the great monopoly schemes in history and remains, to this day, a good father and husband. As we begin to heal from the bruises of the Bush era and weather the outlandish accusations made against honest reform, The Informant! speaks to a generation where the concept of honesty has an 80% mark-up.

Chris Cabin is the resident film critic. You can catch him at AMC's Filmcritic.com. Or win a pair of Yo La Tengo tickets to their Roseland Ballroom show next week by commenting on his recent Cab-tion contest.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Lunchtime Justice: J&R Santa Fight - New York Justice? I THINK SO!!!

I've shopped at J&R many a time, especially when I was living down on Water Street (which I hear is really getting lively around the seaport, in a good way, less tourists, more real establishments other than that number one selling Abercrombie store).

I picked up a lot of good DVDs for cheap, and it's like Sam Ash in that they separate things into different sections and you have to kinda strip mall yourself into different mini-stores. It's still the only DVD section where I've actually found Crime Story Season 1. Anywho, there are computer parts that I've bought that have lasted me to this day, but it's also sort of uncouth, for lack of a better word.

Anywho, as a New York establishment, and since Christmas shopping comes once a year but starts about now, here's a classic Lunchtime Justice commercial from last season. Instead of our God is better than your God, it's our Santa is better than your Santa, because we have an additional elf throwing knee strikes.

Oh and the "spit" at the end is a nice wet touch.



For all your electronics needs and a healthy dose of cramped New York style (but not cramping your style), go to J&R's official site for their latest deals.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Chris Cab-tion Contest 7.14.09 - Guest Appearance by Rip Van Devil


Oh the Tour De France, how I don't care about thee.

For the full story, go here. Winner receives some wonderful swag courtesy of a Spice Girl. No for real, it'll make you work up a hot sweat.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Three Wolf Moon "Official" T-Shirt Review of the Afternoon: Statutory Marriage

From John Sherlock:

5 out of 5 stars

"My life has totally changed since the purchase of this shirt. My cousin/wife always told me that all we needed in life was a Lexus SUV, some hair gel, a gold chain, and designer clothes. However, she's only 9 so what does she know. I being a bit of hellion decided to break from my Irish Traveler roots. Once I put this shirt on I felt the raw power of the wolf travel through my veins.

I've gained a new found confidence that has allowed me to defraud over 200 elderly couples in the past 6 months alone. I even get free biscuits at Red Lobster when I where this baby. Wolf shirts FTMFW IYAM!"

Three Wolf Moon "Official" T-Shirt Review of the Day: How To Gamble Properly


From Ross Kilburn:

"I went to my local casino two days ago to have a drink with a friend. I had an amazing experience I had to share with you.

First of all, I never gamble. I don't like the odds. But, we decided anyway to gamble away $20 dollars.

We looked around trying to decide where to blow the money. We looked at the card tables, the roulette wheel, and finally, the slot machines.

And then I saw it. A slot machine with a big wolf's head on it.

I instantly remembered the power of the wolf t-shirt and confidently walked over to the machine.

We put in our $20 dollars. It was a very complicated machine (to us) and we asked the grizzled woman at the next chair how to bet. She guided us expertly (like a wise elder) and we proceeded to double our money in the first two spins.

She recommended we cash out $20 to bank our winnings. We obediently complied (as if in a trance of wolf spirit and earth mother). We spun a couple of more times, won again, and realized that our glorious moment was complete.

We cashed out, more than doubling our money, and walked out of the casino feeling high. This is my first post on amazon in my entire life. If you can't buy this shirt, do as I did, and let it guide you throughout your life."

You can check out all the reviews here.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Chris Cab-tion Contest 6.22.09 - It's a Tough Job, But Someone's Gotta Do It

We've got 3 pictures for the Chris Cab-tion contest this time. Yes, three glorious mugshots of our hero attempting against all odds and succeeding....at something. Winner of the last edition? ID: Justin (please email to claim random prize) for a ridiculous Michelle Pfeiffer reference. Although Flynn wasn't far behind...

Without further ado, here comes greatness:


I'm looking at these pictures set to Led Zeppelin's "Heartbreaker" and I'm having a giggle fit. Chris Cabin is our very own resident film critic. He contributes to The KCB around his main gig as a critic for AMC's Filmcritic.com.

Oh and before I forget, prizing is quite the "Shitty Movie Night" candidate...

Monday, June 1, 2009

Resident Film Critic on: Fire & Brimstone - Sam Raimi's return to horror in Drag Me to Hell





In the same decade that asked the question "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?" and birthed a top 20 hit that begged "Don't Phunk with My Heart", something very strange happened to the horror movie: It got cruel. Blood got darker, the separate organs that made up "guts" became more discernable and everything got louder. It was no longer appropriate to creep someone out or induce unthinkable perversity; you had to make them jump out of their seats by any means necessary. A viewer could no longer watch in terror as a killer slowly came up behind his victim; one had a cynical, methodical template of when said killer was to pounce, accompanied by an entire string section.

In his new film, Drag Me to Hell, the versatile Sam Raimi uses a similar template but something is different. First of all, there's very little blood and there are no guts whatsoever. There's plenty of saliva, vomit, bugs, rodents, worms, puss and mud but that's hardly cause for concern. He likes color, uses color and stages many of his set-pieces in the daylight. Films by contemporaries the likes of Eli Roth or Marcus Nispel would ascertain, quite literally, that one shouldn't trust women, foreigners, southern folk and most breeds of canine; they also seem to unfold in perpetual night. Mr. Raimi's blind distrust is far more precise and has been blatant fact since well before the director was born: Don't fuck with gypsies.


Such is the mistake made by loan officer Christine Brown (Alison Lohman) when she kindly dismisses and "shames" Mrs. Ganush (Lorna Raver, part hoot, entirely creepy), an elderly gypsy witch who is denied an extension for her mortgage. Ms. Brown, gunning for an assistant manager position under Mr. Jacks (David Paymer, playing scuzz like a pro), denies the extension in hopes of getting the edge over brown-nosed co-worker Stu (Reggie Lee) but ends up getting in one ugly cat fight with Ganush before the old lady lays the Curse of the Lamia on her.

What's the Lamia you ask? Oh, just a seven-foot goat-beast from the stomach-acid depths of Hell who commands a legion of doomed souls who, after three days of torture, embarrassment and personal desecration, drag you screaming and burning into the underworld to live in darkness and agony until the end of time.

Under a less adept hand, such things would be handled with gothic tiling and Exorcist-brand clichés but Mr. Raimi has mastered a lightness of tone that punctuates Drag Me to Hell with a vital, often vile humor and a sense of (grab your crosses!) fun. At 22, Raimi directed The Evil Dead, the lively cult classic that single-handedly made Bruce Campbell an icon and made Raimi the harbinger for the new paradigm of midnight movies. Since then, the Michigan-born Coen bros. collaborator has directed two sequels to Dead and become a genre-meister, trying his hand at everything from neo-westerns (The Quick and the Dead) and classy thrillers (A Simple Plan) to nostalgic weepies (For Love of the Game) and blockbusters (the Spider-Man franchise). Only Plan and, at moments, the latter series have seemed to harness his plentiful talents into a similar redefining of genre conventions and tone.


Drag Me to Hell is less a return to form than a loving reconsideration of where he's come from, where his strike-zone is. Over 15 years after the last Evil Dead film, he now casts a similar gaze on economics and the people behind it but the tone here is not satirical but true-to-form oversaturated lunacy. Helped by a fortune-teller (Dileep Rao) and her skeptical but devoted philosophy professor boyfriend (Justin Long), Ms. Brown's attempts at satiating the beast include decapitating a possessed billygoat, sacrificing her kitten and two separate instances of defiling a corpse.


That Raimi enlists the same brutal sound design that most modern horror/thrillers use ad-nauseum feels like a choice made out of necessity. One of a handful of solid major-studio-backed horror films to be released in the last decade, Drag Me to Hell's design is one made for humor and shocks rather than legitimate fright but Raimi never indulges in the crypto-tragic archetypes that have become industry-standard in the 28 years since The Evil Dead. The graphics have improved but Raimi's fantastical scares are still all the better for being loony and unpredictable where his compatriots have sought to make horror into a matter of life and death.


- Chris Cabin


KCB note: Drag Me To Hell opened with 16.6 million to take 3rd place this past weekend. Also, The KCB enjoyed this film thoroughly as well. That is all.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Lunchtime Justice: Annoying Hipster Douchebag - New York Justice? I THINK SO!!!!!

Ah, the old favorite. Remember that movie Laws of Gravity that I posted about a while ago? Yeah they would totally trash hipsters that invaded their north Brooklyn hoods.

Take this hipsters, an old thorn that keeps coming back, every Siren Fest:



The video is from Lucas Held, a humorist (yes indeed) with his own brand of blogging right about he-yahr: Lucas Held's International House of Relax

By the way, Built To Spill and the Japandroids are on this year's fest which is on July 18th, check it out: Siren Fest 2009 by The Village Voice

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Lunchtime Justice: The Model Wobble - New York Justice? Not Really But It's An Old Fav

When I first saw this video a couple years ago, I couldn't stop laughing. You won't either. Just remember you have that meeting in a couple hours. That's how much time you need to revisit this old favorite....

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Lunchtime Justice: Rumble In The Bronx - New York Justice? I think SO!!!!!

Well really it's Vancouver Justice. But whatever. The Chan-ster kicks some kei-ster circa 1995 in his first American film. Complete with English subtitles because well...just 'cuz.

Featuring the late Anita Mui.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

The Chris Cab-tion 3.22.09

We're going to try to start a new tradition here at the KCB (I should have some special fundraiser at KGB Bar or something...the KCB @ KGB....anywho).

It's called the Chris Cab-tion caption contest, after our very own resident film critic/man about town/possible necrophiliac, Chris "Christobel/Sledge/Stabs/Goddammit Chris/Jesus Mary & Joseph" Cabin. Here's our first one, take a look and comment!

Oh god why.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

3 Yutes - Funniest Movie Critics Ever

I enjoy watching Reelz Channel, and especially Movie Mob (which I normally wouldn't think would be a good show but with a cute host and hilarious staples like the duo from Boston and the snotty Brit Twins, what could go wrong? These are normal movie fans who know their shit).

The funniest by far though, are those boys from Bensonhurst, the 3 Yutes. Joey. Ronnie. Pasta. Take a look at them here:



Unfortunately I don't think they were voted on after a while, but you can check them out at their site which was updated sometime last year haha: 3 Yutes

Here are some clips from Movie Mob where they appear:









For more Movie Mob on YouTube, check out Reelz Channel's...channel.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Delocated Season 1 on Adult Swim: Live Action That Tickles My Funnybone


Delocated, which premiered recently on Adult Swim, is about an asshole who goes into the witness protection program with his wife and son, all to be caught on camera, reality show style, with ski masks and voice modulators. The family is taken out of suburban bliss and moved to New York City (where Delocated is filmed). It's live action serial, which is sort of a change of pace for Adult Swim (even Tim and Eric, which I'm not a fan of, although I liked Tom Goes To The Mayor, has bumps and graphics and odds and ends).


Jon Glaser
It's always interesting, the mockumentary and reality show spoofs. The content is seen only through the lens of the show within the show, so eventually, unless there are self-referential jokes, you actually lose sight of the show-within-a-show fact and it just becomes, the show. Characters are placed in the context of the edits of the show, which are subject to the actual show's editing technique to tell the story, lots of cool stuff to think about. Which is fun.


Nadia Dajani

When I saw the pilot, I was like, this is ok, hipsters would love it, and it has just enough content laid out and exposition, but it wasn't incredibly exciting. However, after having seen the entire first season, I have to say that it can be a great platform for Jon Glaser (of Human Giant and those
Tiny Hands webisodes), because the characters have a funny consistency and are developed throughout the first few episodes which is important and with such a short format and offbeat story it's well grounded in some great banter and set ups, especially between Jon, the husband, and his FBI protector Mike, played by longtime Late Night With Conan O'Brien writer and improv performer, Kevin Dorff (not related to Stephen, definitely not).


Kevin Dorff

The hilarious subplot of the assassin trying to get rid of Jon, played by Eugene Mirman, while trying to become a successful stand-up comedian gives a respite from the tyrannical and creepy antics (anything involving the girlfriend) of Jon (whose wife and son decide that the whole sh-bang isn't really for them).


Eugene Mirman

As a ska lover, I found the Bar Mitzvah (Ska Mitzvah, "skatzah balls") episode uproarious as we witness Jon's son in a ska phase with surprising fans found in the FBI. Along with "Rage Cage" and "Members Only" (where Jon and Mike dissect how not to set up a joke, total joke fail), there is strong material here for those who enjoy Wainy Days and The Office, and well, anything that places New York in the running for best setting for comedic material is always a good thing.

You can watch videos of Delocated here at their official sub-site at Adult Swim.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

The Slack Off: Christmas Eve

For those of you who are enjoying time off from work this holiday season but in the back of their mind still think about work, here's an enjoyable office video that has less than 5,000 hits (you'll want to say you saw this first). Also yesterday was the first time I played Halo 3, and man, that game is pretty frickin' awesome.

Basically this lazy IT guy is playing Halo and a sales guy calls him and they think it's a good idea to shut down the server. It just snowballs so badly. The masking of the voices is weird, but almost gives it a South Park quality which actually makes it even more funny in a way.

I linked to this before on the AMD Fusion widget post, but here it is again, embedded, in all of it's 10 minute glory. You'll be crying so hard by the end, and watch for the email warnings that the "web dude" gets. Such a huge office fail. It's amazing.

Web Dude vs. Sales Guy:

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Actors in New York: Mike Cannon (actually he's a comedian)

Mike Cannon, who runs his own blog right hee-yarh, called Dirty Jokes From A Shitty Kid, can best be described as a harmless, lovable, cartoony, maybe slightly naive, white devil. His jokes are some of the most pointedly offensive diatribes in the world, but he's just a pretty down to earth guy at heart, and I give him props for being born in the city and currently hailing from Queens but not hailing cabs. He's been consistent on the New York circuit and is in contention for the web contest So You Think You Can Roast? which you can check out here: www.friarsroast.com.

Here is his latest small set from Comic Strip Live on 12/6:



As you can see he takes it way too far but for some reason, never seems to go into the category of just plain shock. There's a giddiness but at the same time a self-awareness that his bits are incredibly profane, which makes it more perverse than anything else. As the audience you are allowed to be shocked, he won't take it personally, and you end up not taking it personally. In that way, his bits go through without a hitch because with that kind of unspoken guideline settled, it almost gives him license to say whatever and still sound really unabashedly energetic about it. It's surprisingly infectious I must admit. I guess for all the people not included in the things he describes, the homoerotic, incestuous, violent, disease-riddled, and down to earth situations, we can all get a gasp/snort from it.

Here is an older clip from a few months back, a small competition at the Triad Theater where he nabbed first place:



Again, check out his apologetically raunchy blog: Dirty Jokes From A Shitty Kid.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Mascot Bloopers from College Humor

That rhymes sort of....this is amazingly funny, I'm still wiping the tears from my small, small eyes.